MAKING MUSIC

Elementary Band from last school year.  Look at those gorgeous faces! 

The honking sounds of a Canadian goose are no doubt closest cousins to the torturous noises my small mouth coaxed from my very first clarinet. I blew into that instrument with gusto.  It wasn’t pretty.

New opportunities come with each new school year and one such opportunity was recently presented to Mrs. Schmidt’s fourth grade class.  

Instrumental lesson groups are being organized, prompting our band director Mrs. Berg to demonstrate some of the available band instruments. It should be noted that we caught Mrs. Berg on casual Penn View t-shirt day.  

The children have the opportunity to begin playing strings in their third grade year.  But band instruments are full size which requires larger instrumentalists.  A quick survey showed that at least half of the fourth graders have already begun playing a string instrument, piano or guitar.  A musical crew! Their existing melodious skills did nothing to deter their interest in Mrs. Berg’s presentation. “Instruments are fun!” Our enthusiastic director did not disappoint. Listening to her presentation almost makes me want to take up the xylophone.  Almost….

Beginning with the smallest instrument, Mrs. Berg attempted to dispel any stereotypes associated with flutists.  “You might think only girls play the flute, but don’t believe it.  All the flutists in the Philadelphia Orchestra are men!” She played a sweet song so the children could hear the instrument’s voice.  “The flute is just like blowing over a bottle.”  I wonder if Jethro Tull’s Ian Anderson would agree.

This was the first time it truly registered with me that those majoring in Music Education need to play EVERY SINGLE INSTRUMENT in order to earn their degree.  Mrs. Landes (also a member of Penn View's music department) confirmed that learning to play every instrument is no easy feat.  She admits freely to unsightly weeping during her entire final performance exam on bassoon.  I suspect there is at least some residual post-traumatic-stress as she still shivers upon hearing the first tones from that beautiful instrument. Mrs. Berg reports that the Italian name for the bassoon translates loosely to "bundle of sticks." This stick bundle was regarded today as the endangered species on the list of instruments shown.  Its difficulty level and associated expense makes it much less popular than a lightweight and user-friendly flute.

Mrs. Berg went on to show the oboe, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, French horn, trombone, baritone horn, and tuba.  

Several percussion instruments were also demonstrated.  Apparently, anything you strike or shake meets the requirements for percussion.  Who knew?  By those standards, fly swatters and Parmesan cheese both qualify.  Students were told they would receive some bells and a drum pad as starting percussionists.  “The drum pads are great because they are portable.  You can take them on trips and annoy your parents!”  

Being a percussionist is not easy.  As her feet and hands worked simultaneously on the drum set, she asked the students to pay attention to which appendage was striking which part of the drum set.  Mrs. Berg is an impressive multitasker! 

Kettles are not just for delicious kettle corn as was validated with the director’s stirring rendition of George of the Jungle. 

It was sixth grade when Mrs. Berg began playing her instrument of choice, the French horn.  

The student's favorite portion of the presentation was when the teacher showed how most of the brass instruments could be played using the mouthpiece alone.  While the trumpet sounded like a plucky duck, the French horn was bashful and unsure. The tuba mouthpiece was just plain ridiculous, roughly the size of a child’s entire hand. 

 

Mrs. Berg had tips for the up and coming instrumentalists.  “Wait until maybe fifth grade on the trombone if you are really short.  It is the most athletic of instruments and sounds like a cartoon laugh.”  

The tuba was all about BIG SOUND.  She reminded the students that it takes a lot of air to make the tuba sound full and suggested the students start on the baritone horn and graduate to the tuba when they’ve got larger lungs.  

According to our resident expert, the tuba player in the Philadelphia Orchestra is a beautiful lady who wears 4 inch heels.  Go figure!

The students were enthralled. “Pick an instrument you like the sound of.”  Good advice from a woman who would know.  I am certain I did not practice each day for 15-20 minutes as recommended by Mrs. Berg.  That might be a partial explanation for the terrible reverberations which emanated from my ill-fated instrument.  To be fair and despite my early failings, some equally creative music teachers did manage to supervise my instrumental progression right up to and including four years in a celebrated marching band.  

Seeing how well-loved all the instruments are to Mrs. Berg, I’m feeling a little remorseful for allowing my ancient clarinet three decades of decomposition in the attic.  I may just pull it out to see if I can still imitate the sound of a dying cow.